Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
