I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
