Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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