time to smoke my breakfast
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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