tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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