Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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