dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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