Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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