wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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