Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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