nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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