I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
