Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
