he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
