Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
