I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
