Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
