I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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