His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
