How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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