just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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