The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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