did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize