Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
These tits shall not be calmed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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