its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
