I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
