Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
