Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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