even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My liver just had a heart attack.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
