I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
