Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
