Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
