she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
