She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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