im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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