i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
