i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
