my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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