It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
