My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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