I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
