i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
