Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
