He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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