I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
