I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
