the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
