I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
