highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
