And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
