I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
