I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
