if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
