I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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