Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
