He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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