what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
