meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
