I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
