I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize