im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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