a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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