guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
