The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila