were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
