Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.