Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
