Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
