we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
