I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
