So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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