Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
