We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
