Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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