It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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